Building Your Team

by Theresa Willingham

Before school begins..
Before the school year begins, schedule a meeting with your child's teachers, school administrators, counselor, nurse, cafeteria personnel and office staff. Explain to this "team" what foods cause a reaction, precautions, emergency procedures, how to read a label and lunch time considerations. Have the same kind of meeting with family or friends who will be caring for your child.

The word "team" is a good one to use. Everyone who works with children, from family and friends to daycare and school personnel are part of any child's advocacy team. No one questions the fact that these daily children's teams are responsible for the health and safety of the children in their care.

Make sure caregivers also understand that the problem can go beyond meal issues alone. Go over proposed classroom or daycare activities with teachers and caregivers to evaluate craft, art or cooking projects for safety. Celiac children playing with traditional play dough can ingest the dough either directly, or by rubbing their face or eyes during play, and the gluten in the play-dough can provoke a reaction. Children with peanut or egg sensitivities can have reactions if either ingredient is used for crafts or cooking projects.

...Also, discuss possible field trips with administrators and teachers, and be sure they know to contact you before taking your child on any possibly food related trip. Children with egg allergy could have a reaction visiting a bakery where egg powder might be airborne; not to mention the vigilance required for keeping bread samples out of the hands of wheat-sensitive kids.   Visiting a candy or nut factory might create problems for those with peanut or tree nut sensitivities. If at all possible, chaperone during trips to minimize work for teachers and worry for yourself.

Enable Your Team

Make it as easy as possible for team members to give you the help you need. The more information you can keep in the right hands, the better. Consider yourself your child's health librarian until he or she has the required knowledge base to educate others alone. In addition to teaching your child's team what foods are safe for your child, make sure they know what type of
reaction your child might have if the wrong food is eaten. You might try to get team members to watch "It Only Takes One Bite," or both team members and peers to view "Alexander, the Elephant Who Couldn't Eat Peanuts, " both available from the Food Allergy Network (FAN). FAN also produces an excellent pamphlet called "Off to School With Food Allergies" that caretakers will benefit from reading.

Provide Lots of Information And Keep It Handy

Also provide all "team members" with a form like the one Food Allergy Survivors Together (FAST) has created. The "Contact Form" for children is reprinted in the back of this book as a reproducible master, and helps you provide complete and detailed information for anyone who might need it. Make copies for everyone--preferably on brightly colored paper to make it
especially hard to miss, and a copy on white paper in case they need to make additional copies! And keep an extra copy handy to show to or leave with any substitute caregivers. Look the form over regularly and revise it as needed. Ask your doctor to complete a medical information form for your child, as well. And highlight all allergy information in bright ink on all forms to make sure no one misses vital information.

Consider laminating a miniaturized version of your child's Contact Form and attaching it to schoolbags, putting it in your child's wallet or attaching it to clothing. And, of course, Medic Alert® bracelets or necklaces are always good reminders

It's hard to overcome that nagging worry. That's probably a good thing. It keeps us on our toes. But again, the easier you make it for everyone else--by providing written instructions regarding the proper action to take in case of a reaction, by bringing and storing appropriate foods where your child will be taken care of away from home and by educating everyone as much as possible, the less that worry will nag you.

Keep and maintain a supply of snacks at your child's school or caregiver's or other family members' homes.

This is also a great way to start getting across that "healthy birthright" concept. The more good, healthy snacks and foods you can prepare and provide for your child in other environments, the more accepting others will be and the more integrated your child's involvement with others will be.

Talk to your child's daycare or preschool about their openness to your child's foods and describe each item to his caregivers. Do the same for family and friends. Keep special foods for your child in specially marked containers at homes where your child stays often. Provide lists of
appropriate substitutes, with instructions to contact you before any substitutions are made. Remind caregivers of young children's penchant for sharing their food, and if at all possible, try to make sure as much of the food used in social situations is allergen free.

Be prepared to be involved in your child's daycare, preschool, or school activities.

Expect to be chaperone, teacher's assistant, den mother, scout leader or all of the above at a lot of events for a while!

...The more involved you are, the less you have to leave to chance, and the more you contribute to your child's sense of safety and belonging.

...When children in a class bring in special treats for some occasion, have your child provide fruit trays or gluten-free trail mixes that everyone can enjoy. Sometimes, you can bake treats for a day care center or preschool to freeze for your child and thaw during special occasions like birthdays or holiday celebrations. This is also a good way to provide impromptu education
for others about food and health. Always remember to say "thank-you" to those who go out of their way to help your child

Empower your child by promoting healthy caution instead of debilitating fear.

Teach your child all about his or her food sensitivity, at whatever level you feel your child can understand. Explain what foods cause a reaction and the importance of avoiding them for his own comfort and well-being. Talk about more serious medical problems that affect others, and be positive and upbeat about your child's food sensitivities, pointing out how fortunate it
is that the problem can be solved by diet alone.

Be Supportive

Children can be extremely reluctant to report a reaction to a particular food, especially if they fear discipline or a strong parental reaction. In the event your child does eat the wrong thing, instead of scolding, help your child feel better and, at a more appropriate time, discuss what
happened and whether or not it was an accident. If your child sneaked something he shouldn't have, remind him that ultimately, his health and well-being will be his responsibility.

If it was an accident, remember that accidents happen and you can both try to be more vigilant next time. But a matter of fact approach to the event will do more to create confidence and trust than nagging and chastising.

Model Confidence

In other words, you want your child to feel he's just like everybody else, no matter what he eats -- or doesn't eat. That means having enough of your own confidence and self-esteem to know how to handle a variety of situations in a variety of ways.

As your child gets older, role-play situations that may come up in the course of a day; help your child feel comfortable avoiding temptation or peer pressure.

Eventually, your child will be solely responsible for his or her diet. The earlier you begin educating your children about all the parameters of their health, the better. Children obviously can have a harder time eliciting and maintaining adult cooperation in their care than their parents will. The best thing you can do to ensure your child's safety when you're not there is
to go to the extra effort of making sure all the parties involved know what is required of them. That also means making sure your child's caregivers know what the consequences are--in relation to your child's health and to their chances for continued employment--if the rules for your child's health are not followed to the letter.

The next thing you can do is to make sure your child knows what to do when things don't go the way they should. If adults insist your children eat something they know they shouldn't, be sure they know what recourses they have, either requesting assistance of another trusted adult--principal or daycare center manager--or calling home.

And certainly let them know that they can come to you without fear of blame if there have been problems in your absence. Try role-playing a variety of situations they might encounter during the day, and help them have ready answers to questions or polite refusals of foods in those situations. And teach your children to be firm in their explanations of their conditions as
well.

Some stock replies that work well for us include:
"No, thank you." This is usually Chris' first line of defense and often perfectly sufficient. It's simple, easy to say and understand, whatever a child's age, and it doesn't necessitate any more discussion. Only the most insistent relatives or strangers press him further.

"I can't have wheat (or milk, peanuts, corn, egg, or whatever the allergenic food)." If pressed, this simple statement of exactly what can't be eaten sometimes does the trick. For some reason, people rarely question Chris when he says this. Maybe it's the strength of his conviction behind his words.

"I have a food allergy." or "I'm allergic to that." That may not be completely accurate on a case-by-case basis, but it is something most people understand. Besides, "intolerance" is really hard to say when you're four.

"That makes me sick." Aunt Edna might take offense at that remark, but it leaves nothing to the imagination. (It's better than "I'll throw up," which is a good response for follow-up questions, though.)

"I'll have to ask my mom (or Dad, or other responsible and aware adult)." This is the answer of last resort, because you want your child to be able to deal with these situations himself as much as possible and you certainly don't want him to feel over-protected or look over-protected in front of other children. But your child should also know that, when pressed beyond endurance, it's perfectly acceptable to call in the reserves. Then you can do the explaining, and remind the insistent party that "No, thank you," means "No, thank you."

Make Your Child His Own Best Advocate

That, of course, is the key issue: helping our children become knowledgeable about their condition at an early age so they can handle things on their own later. No one understands or appreciates food sensitivities as well as those who have the sensitivity, so it's vital that your child, in the end, is his own best advocate.

The Law Is On Your Side

Information reproduced with permission by Theresa Willingham.  Theresa's book The Food Allergy Field Guide: A Lifestyle Manual for Families is now available via the Savory Palate or Amazon.com

Information shared by Clan Thompson